


A Notch in Your Bedpost

by CapnShellhead



Category: DCU, DCU (Comics), Outsiders (Comics)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Blow Jobs, Kidnapping, M/M, Pining, Pre-Crisis, Rimming, Rooftop Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 11:27:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15314502
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CapnShellhead/pseuds/CapnShellhead
Summary: When Roy confronted Dick about his treatment of the team, he got a lot more than he bargained for.





	A Notch in Your Bedpost

**Author's Note:**

> So, this is my first real attempt at writing a fic set in the DC universe. I read vol. 3 of Outsiders and I just couldn't get this pairing out of my mind. I'm tentatively working on another fic set during NIghtwing: Old Friends, New Enemies because I really like them together. 
> 
> So, I hope you enjoy this!

“Except Ollie was never a junkie,” Dick sneered, his gaze cold and expectant. Roy saw a haze of red and lashed out before he could reign himself in. Before he could put together that Dick was clearly itching for a fight. Instead, Roy gave him one.

He slammed his fist in Dick’s face and everything happened so fast. Dick’s form is near perfect, barely affected by his anger and he was anything but fucking around. His blows were calculated strikes that hurt and he wasn’t pulling punches. Roy blocked, heart pounding and it was like Dick wanted to hurt Roy physically in case his words hadn’t done enough. As if he hadn’t said the very thing that kept Roy up some nights.

Roy slammed him into the wall, adrenaline coursing through his veins. He got Dick down on the floor and Dick jammed his knee into Roy’s stomach. Roy punched him again, the crack less satisfying than he’d expected. He stopped, eyes wide as he stared down at Dick’s face and the trickle of blood from his split lip.

Roy sat back, “You happy?” he asked grimly.

Dick paused, studying Roy intently before shaking his head. “No,” he replied finally. Then, he reached up and pulled Roy’s lips to his. Roy’s mouth fell open in surprise, eyes wide as Dick’s clenched shut and he took Roy’s confusion as an invitation.

Dick wasn’t kissing for pleasure; it was like he wanted this to hurt too. And it did. Even as Roy opened for him willingly, following Dick’s lead and sucking on his tongue, this stung worse than Dick’s words; even worse than his blows. Roy had wanted this for _years_. Since before he truly knew how to want something and he was finally getting it… but not because Dick desired it.

Roy was finally getting this because it was yet another way for Dick to hurt him.

Roy clenched his eyes shut and slid his tongue over the split in Dick’s lip, earning a rough groan that Roy felt to the tips of his toes. He threw himself into it, knowing this was a sham of the real thing but… if it was all he could have, he wasn’t going to be choosy. And he wasn’t settling for a rough kiss and Dick writhing against him. All or nothing, right?

He pulled back and pushed Dick over onto his stomach. His eyes cut to the closed door to the bedroom and Roy figured they hadn’t made enough noise for anyone from the team to interfere. He reached into the bedside drawer and pulled out a tube of lubricant. Dick pushed his suit down, revealing miles of smooth brown skin. Roy took a deep breath, arousal pooling in his belly as he pushed it down further.

Dick had a ridiculously amazing body: toned, shapely and strong. There were quite a few scars because, despite Roy’s beliefs, Dick wasn’t untouchable. Under different circumstances, Roy would’ve felt welcome to kiss each and every one of them but he knew what Dick wanted. It wasn’t how Roy imagined but, if he could have this, it was certainly better than nothing, right?

Roy slicked his fingers and took a deep breath, spreading Dick’s cheeks carefully. Dick gasped, the tight pucker twitching a little as Roy sucked in another breath and massaged the entrance tentatively. Dick pushed back eagerly, his back muscles tensing, his cock still trapped in his suit. Roy pushed it down a little to help as he played with him before popping the tip of his finger inside. Dick sighed, holding still, muscles strained as Roy worked. Dick held himself tight like a wire, the only sign of stress in the minute rippling of his back and the little shivers he couldn’t push down. It brought Roy a glimmer of satisfaction; he could pretend Dick was as affected by this as Roy was.

Roy reveled in the fact that they’d come to blows moments ago but it had taken the tip of his finger to shake Dick’s foundation like this. Roy slowly pumped his finger, sliding more and more of it inside and containing his excitement by pressing a hand down on his cock. He worked methodically, not allowing himself to think too much as he worked up to three fingers. He bit down a moan, Dick’s tight heat wet and clenching around him. Roy cursed, his cock pulsing desperately in his pants as Dick pushed back shamelessly.

By the fourth, Dick was shaking, beads of sweat on his temple as he looked back at Roy. Roy’s breath caught a Dick’s blown out pupils and kiss bitten lips. “What are you waiting for? Fuck me,” he rasped, the words going straight to Roy’s head like a shot of something dangerous.

Roy shivered, unzipping his pants and slicking his cock. Dick’s head lowered, a hand stroking his cock briefly before he held himself up on his knees and waited. Roy started to line them up before realization hit and the shame set in. “I don’t have a condom.”

Dick stared at him, a brow raised. “I don’t care.”

Roy’s chest tightened, his throat pained, “I – Dick, you know why I can’t,” he said. He’d never thought it relevant. Never thought he’d be here when he’d been shooting up in some rundown New York basement with two other guys. He knew what a huge deal it would be to have sex bareback and he knew he’d have to be tested more than once before he felt safe doing that with anyone else.

The fact that Dick must’ve known that and still claimed he didn’t care… Roy’s starting to gain a little more understanding of this encounter. Maybe Dick hadn’t picked this fight to hurt Roy; maybe he’d been trying to hurt himself.

Roy sat back, waiting patiently and it wasn’t long before Dick sighed and reached into another drawer. He pulled out a condom and handed it to Roy before returning to his hands and knees. Roy felt his insides unravel, the nervousness making him feel a little sick. He rolled the condom on, stroking himself to full hardness again as he laid a broad hand on Dick’s lower back.

Dick stiffened, breath catching as Roy pressed the blunt head of his cock to Dick’s entrance and slowly pushed inside. He was careful, holding himself painfully tight as he moved when Dick pushed back rather suddenly. Roy gasped, hips bucking of their own accord. Dick groaned low in his throat, pushing back once more as Roy’s vision whited out for one blissful moment.

Dick panted, back arching as he pushed back again, and again, riding Roy relentlessly. His head fell back gracelessly as he started to pant. Roy watched him avidly, pumping his hips mindlessly as he watched Dick give himself over. Dick was truly beautiful like this, his skin shimmering in the low light from the window. His hair an artful mess, the little needy moans escaping stoking the fire in Roy’s belly and drawing his hands to Dick’s hips.

Roy wanted to bottle this moment, to contain Dick just like this. He wanted to keep him and at the same time, he wanted to see Dick unrestrained. He would gladly give whatever Dick wanted from him and then some. Anything to keep that look on Dick’s face. He stroked Dick’s lower back and felt him shudder, Dick’s hole tightening around his cock briefly before they struck up a rhythm again.

They’d always worked well together and this was no exception. Dick pushed back as Roy’s hips snapped forward, rougher and more demanding as they brought each other to the edge. Roy took hold of Dick’s hips, biting down on a groan as he watched the toned muscles of Dick’s perfect ass tense and clench around him. Roy grabbed hold of the plump flesh, squeezing it as he pulled Dick back against him. Dick loved it, letting out a needy whine as he pushed back into Roy’s grip.

With Dick keeping his balance, he couldn’t wrap a hand around his cock. In the end, he didn’t need one. Roy watched him shake and shiver, head dropping down as he cursed, “Fuck, Roy. Fuck,” stiffened and clamped down around Roy’s girth.

Roy’s stomach tightened, bright spots in his vision as Dick shot across his stomach and the floor, arms growing weak. Roy’s hips snapped forward desperately a few more times, fingers tightening around Dick’s hips as he spilled inside the condom. He sighed, pushing in lazily before he pulled out. He tied the condom off and threw it away. When he turned back, Dick was lying on his back and playing with the come drying on his stomach. He touched it curiously, eyes catching Roy’s as he did. Roy felt a flash of heat down his spine as his cock gave a weak, interested twitch.

“Feel better?” Roy asked and Dick shrugged uncaringly. “What the hell is the matter with you?”

Dick’s eyes narrowed ever so slightly, “You keep expecting me to be this shiny happy person, Roy. I’m not. Not anymore.”

He sat up and pulled his suit back on. Roy watched as he stood up and moved to the door. Only the slightest change to his gait revealed what transpired here. They hadn’t hit each other hard enough to bruise by the looks of it and Roy almost wished they had. The idea of going out there around the others and pretending this never happened was nearly unbearable.

But that’s exactly what they did.

+

Two weeks passed with no mention of what happened between Dick and Roy. They continued on as though they were just coworkers which is what Dick had wanted. Roy tried his best not to think of that night and he managed until his hand found its way into his pants late at night. It was easy enough to pretend it was just the usual fantasies about having sex with Dick except now, he knew what Dick’s skin felt like and what he sounded like when he came.

After the Outsiders round up a smuggling ring, Dick pulled Roy aside and led him to his room. He locked the door and crossed over to the small desk in the room. He looked well, if a little tired. Roy knew it couldn’t be easy running around as Nightwing in Blüdhaven and running things here. Roy would tell him to take a break if he didn’t think Dick would bite his head off for the suggestion. Dick Grayson perfected the art of putting ridiculously intense pressure on oneself.

Roy leaned against the wall and studied him apprehensively. After some time spent in silence, Roy sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. “Did you call me in here to talk?” he asked.

Dick pulled at the top of his suit, rolling it down to his waist and drawing Roy’s eyes covetously. Dick was truly gorgeous, all sleek lines and toned muscles. He was built leaner and more like an acrobat than the stout muscular build Roy had been blessed with. Dick was slimmer but, by no means, softer. Roy’s mouth watered, knowing how soft Dick’s skin felt to touch.

He swallowed as Dick turned and strode over to him, eyes guarded. He cupped the back of Roy’s head and murmured, “God, no.”

He crushed their mouths together, Roy’s surprise quickly losing out to desire. He took hold of Dick’s waist and pulled him closer, sucking at his tongue. Dick’s arms came up around his neck as Roy lost himself for a moment. Roy wanted everything at once but he settled for tipping Dick’s head and backing him into the desk. Dick groaned, letting Roy turn him around and bend him over the surface as Roy yanked the rest of his suit and underwear down.

Roy had been in a hurry last time and hadn’t really gotten the chance to enjoy the sight of his favorite of Dick’s assets. Roy bit down a moan and pressed the heel of his hand against his hardening cock before dropping to his knees. “Christ, Dickie,” he murmured, taking hold of Dick’s ass firmly. He spread him open, getting a better look at the tight pucker tensing beneath his finger pad. He couldn’t resist leaning in closer, the wet heat of his breath making Dick shiver in his grasp.

“What are you – oh my god,” Dick moaned, taking hold of the desk as Roy swiped his tongue solidly over his entrance. Dick cursed, shaking in Roy’s grasp as he did it again and once more, feeling Dick’s hole tense and start to open for him. Dick shivered, a hushed moan escaping as Roy’s tongue grew more insistent. He curled it, poking the tip inside as he buried his face in further and felt Dick shiver with every brush of his five o’clock shadow. He Roy had spent nights with his hand wrapped around his cock wondering how Dick might respond to this. It he’d like it, if he’d ever had it done to him before. With an ass like that, it’d be a shame if this was the first time someone had put their mouth on it… but Roy would be lying if he said he didn’t like knowing he was the first to do this.

Dick pushed back on his tongue, his back arching beautifully as he buried little mewling noises into his forearm. Roy groaned as he spread him further, happy to stay here lapping over Dick’s slick entrance. Every little whine he earned, every desperate little buck of his hips made Roy’s cock pulse insistently in his pants. He wondered if he could bring Dick off from this alone.

He pulled back, taking in the sight of Dick’s entrance, wet and pulsing, grasping for the slick heat of Roy’s tongue. Roy cursed and stroked his finger over it, biting his lip when the tip slipped inside rather easily. Dick pushed back, panting softly as he murmured, “Come on, come on. Fuck me.”

“You’re demanding, you know that?” Roy asked, standing on shaky legs and sliding another finger inside. Dick’s head fell back on his shoulder as Roy worked them inside. With him warm and pliant against Roy’s chest, he could almost pretend they were doing this because Dick wanted _him_ and not just sex. He was beautiful with long lashes fanning out over his cheeks, little puffs of air escaping his lips as he fucked himself on Roy’s fingers. God, he was perfect. “Needy little thing. I could bring you off just like this.”

Dick groaned, louder as Roy slid a third finger inside. Dick licked his lips and said, “You could, but you won’t.” His eyes slid open enough for Roy to catch a glimpse of a sliver of blue, near black eyes seeking his own. “You want to fuck me.”

Roy held his face, fingers crooking inside Dick’s wet heat before he took his mouth again. It was more biting than a kiss but it served its purpose as Roy reached into the drawer and pulled out the lube and a condom. He slicked his cock and watched Dick spread his legs and press his stomach to the wood. Roy was partially disappointed; he hadn’t gotten to see Dick’s face the last time and he’d like to watch him this time. He wanted to watch his face grow lax as he came, to see his eyes fall shut as Roy sent him over the edge. But, again, Roy couldn’t afford to be choosy.

Roy slid in deep and slow, curling over Dick’s back to feel every tremor as Roy spilled him. When he bottomed out, Dick sighed in relief and Roy felt a flash of warmth throughout his body. He couldn’t fix Dick’s issues or make Dick accept his help but he could give him this. He built a rhythm, one arm crossed over Dick’s chest as he pushed in. It was easy enough to lose himself in Dick’s tight sucking heat and the insistent heat pooling in his belly.

It was like playing with fire and wanting to get burned. Roy never wanted to give this up but he knew Dick was hell-bent on not getting attached to anyone at the moment. Roy knew this was a bad idea and years of buried feelings and shame wouldn’t be easily swept aside in the interest of the “no strings attached” sex he was getting here. Roy could tell himself he could be okay with it but he knew he wouldn’t be. How could he content himself with sex when he wanted so much more?

Roy buried his face in Dick’s neck and snapped his hips harder, losing himself in Dick’s scent and the feel of him wrapped tightly around him. Dick’s low moans grew louder, panting heavily before he stiffened suddenly, gasping as he gripped Roy’s hand. “Roy,” he murmured and Roy felt him tighten around his cock incessantly. Roy’s hips bucked urgently, pushing into the clinging heat as Dick pushed back with a satisfied moan.

Roy pushed in deeper, burying a pained moan in Dick’s throat as he brought himself off inside of him. He pumped his hips slowly, his vision whiting out as he stroked Dick’s chest. Finally, he pulled out and threw the condom away. Dick turned and stretched out on the desk with a smile. He rubbed his stomach lazily and the self-satisfaction Roy found there made his insides twist. He wanted to run his tongue through the mess of come on Dick’s belly but he wasn’t sure the protocol here. Last time, they’d separated almost immediately after.

“Do you-” he started to ask when Dick closed his eyes.

“Same time tomorrow?”

+

A few weeks passed with Roy finding himself in Dick’s quarters nearly every night. It was always the barren room at the Outsiders HW and never Dick’s apartment where he kept his life. Never Roy’s apartment, either. It was impersonal, cold, and routine. So much so that they got pretty damn good at hiding it. No one else suspected and that was just fine with Roy. He didn’t need Jade or Grace giving him knowing looks. He knew damn well how stupid this was.

Didn’t make it any easier to quit.

Now, he held Dick’s hips tight in his hands as Dick rode him greedily, his head tossed back. The others were out for the moment and Dick could be as loud as he wanted. Every slap of his ass against Roy’s thighs stoked the fire within him. He planted a broad hand on Dick’s stomach and felt his abs flex beneath his palm with every rock of his hips.

 _Fuck, Dick was gorgeous like this_ , Roy mused.

Wanton, needy and using Roy for his own pleasure. He was shameless with it, demanding and unconcerned with how he looked as he bounded down to take more of Roy inside. Roy bucked into him, working with Dick’s rhythm and yanking him down as he spilled inside. Dick grinned gleefully and circled his hips, laughing softly as Roy’s cock pulsed inside of him.

He rode Roy for a moment long, a hand wrapped around his cock before he came over Roy’s chest. He sighed, stroking himself roughly, brow furrowed as he milked his orgasm. Finally, he sighed, letting go of his spent cock with a satisfied sigh.

Dick climbed off of him and lay down on his back. Roy stared up at the ceiling as they caught their breath. He’d lost track of how many times they’d done this but each and every time, Roy left shortly after.

So, Roy wasn’t sure why he asked, “any plans tonight?”

“Besides patrol?” Dick asked quietly and Roy kicked himself.

“Besides patrol,” he said. _Might as well_.

“Nope. I’m gonna crash right after. Why?” he asked and Roy’s cheeks warmed. Dick poked him and asked, “What’s up?”

“Nothing,” Roy said stiltedly.

“What is it? Some big bust? Recon? You want me to come with?” he asked and Roy wanted to disappear. Of course, Dick figured Roy wanted help with a case. Everything was about work or sex these days.

“Nothing, Dick. Forget I asked.” He sat up and covered his face. He wondered if Kory had ever felt this awkward around Dick. Probably not because Dick had actually loved her.

Dick went quiet and then made a considering noise. “You wanted to hang out.” Roy cursed and stood. He didn’t look back as he started to dress and Dick added, “This is just-“

“Sex. Got it,”

“If that’s a problem-“ he started and Roy had had enough.

“It’s not, alright?” He tugged his pants up and reached for his shoes.

“I kinda figured it wouldn’t be,” Dick said quietly and Roy turned to look at him. Dick was watching him silently, still sprawled out naked on the bed. He didn’t look as though he was trying to intentionally hurt Roy. In fact, his expression was softer than it had been in quite some time. “You don’t have much time these days to go out and find someone to hook up with.” He rose a brow, a curious lift to his tone, “Admittedly, I was surprised you were okay with me being a guy but I went with it. This works. It’s convenient. We know each other well enough to know we’re not good for each other. And right now, I’m not good for anyone.”

 _You always call the shots, Dick_ , Roy thought bitterly.

“Got that right,” Roy muttered and Dick’s jaw tensed ever so slightly. It gave Roy a little bit of satisfaction as he started towards the door. “See you around.”

+

Dick had just settled down for dinner when there was a knock on the door. He wasn’t expecting anyone so he approached the door with caution. He caught a glimpse of red hair through the peep hole. He opened the door to reveal Roy Harper.

Dick started towards the living room, unbuttoning his jeans as he went. _Good, I wasn’t hungry anyway,_ , he thought. He turned back, kicking off his shoes as Roy closed the door and followed him into the living room. He watched Dick shuck his pants with a slightly pained expression.

“What?” Dick asked, his heart sinking. Grace? Jade? Anissa? Shift? His mind raced through every possibility. He wasn’t crazy; he knew they sometimes went out to investigate leads on their own. Had one of them gotten hurt? Was some urgent threat headed for them? He waited as Roy rubbed the back of his head with a sheepish smile on his face. It calmed Dick a little but not by much.

“I gotta head somewhere to do some recon,” he said finally.

“You need my help?” Dick asked, pulling on his jeans. How strange for Roy to look so serious about this of all things.

“No, no,” Roy insisted. “I can go on my own. I need someone to watch Lian,” he finished slowly, watching Dick’s eyes widen.

“What?”

“I had planned to stay in but I got a call and my babysitter is busy. It’s such short notice and I asked around but…” he trailed off and Dick heard the unsaid words. _You were my last resort_. A year ago, hell six months ago, Dick might have been the first call but now… _This is what you wanted_.

“Why can’t I do the recon? Wouldn’t that make more sense?” he asked and Roy shrugged a little too nonchalantly. Now, Dick had questions. “What aren’t you telling me.”

“The person I’m working with is skittish. They don’t trust anyone else. It has to be me,” he replied, looking Dick in the eye. Weeks later, Dick would wonder why he hadn’t pressed for more. Then, he’d known Roy and knew enough to know that Roy prided himself on his loyalty. He would never betray someone’s trust if he could help it. No matter the reputation Dick had built for himself, he couldn’t guarantee he could just step in and earn someone’s favor. Especially a contact that appeared to only trust Roy.

“So, why call me at all? We fucked a few times and now you ask me to play babysitter?” he asked.

“it’s one night, Dick. Christ.” Dick sighed, regretted his words. He’s not really upset at being asked. Quite the contrary.

“Give me a minute,” he said and Roy nodded gratefully, stepping back as Dick grabbed his wallet and keys

The ride over to Roy’s was quiet and tense. Dick would have tried to break the silence except he was still stewing a bit. He was being unreasonable and he knew that but it still stung to find out how far he’d fallen in Roy’s esteem. He’d tried to keep his distance from his new team; he’d had his reasons but Roy… they were still friends. Right? Sex was one thing but he hadn’t thought it would ruin their friendship.

Granted, they hadn’t hung out as much as they used to. He’d thought Roy would ask a few weeks back but then he’d denied it. With the jobs they had, they could hardly go grab breakfast or hang out at diners. If he was being honest, Roy could do a lot better in the friend department than Dick at the moment. He’d done such a phenomenal job of pushing everyone away and now that he’d gotten what he wanted, he couldn’t complain about it. He couldn’t have it both ways.

Roy unlocked his door and Dick found himself staring at the secondhand furniture and messy kitchen table curiously. It was covered in little drawings, a few puzzle boxes and two dirty plates. Roy shuffled over to put those in the sink and clear the table a little.

“Sorry about that,” he muttered and Dick blinked at him. Roy must have interpreted his silence as judgment but in reality, Dick was simply wondering about the last time he’d been here.

He honestly couldn’t recall. He followed Roy into the apartment, his eyes catching on the photos lining Roy’s walls. Dick started to study them closer when Roy spoke up again, “She’s down for now. Should stay that way but I couldn’t leave her alone, of course.”

He trailed off, watching Dick as he smiled a little. “I can handle a five-year-old, Roy.”

“You say that now,” he replied with a wry grin. It had been a while since Dick earned one of those. “She gets those puppy dog eyes going and you’re a goner.”

Dick smiled a little wider, “I remember.”

Roy’s eyes widened a little at the soft smile and he began to return it before he shook himself, to Dick’s chagrin. “Right, so I’ve got my communicator and my phone. I should be back around one. Three at the very least. If I’m not…” he hesitated and Dick wondered yet again why Roy was hiding. But he was already on thin ice with Roy as it was and he didn’t want to sound as though he doubted Roy’s skill.

So, instead, he said, “I’m leaving patrol to Tim tonight and you’re not back by four, I’m hunting your ass down.”

Roy nodded gratefully and grabbed his keys. Once he left, Dick found that he felt a little uncomfortable here. He hadn’t been here recently and he could hardly recall the last time he’d seen Lian. Alfred had found him prone to “moping”, comparative to Bruce he used to say. He could sulk with the champion of sulks but he never felt great about it. The Titans had been Dick’s family and they would always be, for as long as Dick lived. Losing Donna had shaken him to his core.

Perhaps he’d pushed Roy away the same way he’d kept the others at bay because it had been hard to look at him. It had been hard to see the way Roy looked at him. Roy had no qualms about calling Dick out on his bullshit. It was a quality Dick had always appreciated Roy for and he knew how hard that must’ve been seeing as Roy clearly thought very highly of him. Throughout the years of their friendship, Roy had often told Dick that he’d admired him. Roy meant a lot to Dick and yet this was the first time Dick had been to this apartment in well over a year.

Dick swallowed past the knot in his throat and moved back to the walls lined with frames. There were pictures of Roy with the Titans. A photo of Roy and Dinah. One of Roy with his arm draped proudly across Dick’s shoulders. A picture of Roy and Lian from years back when Dick had helped reunite them. Roy’s broad grin, his eyes bright with joy as he held Lian up high and she beamed down at him. It pulled at Dick’s heartstrings and he smiled despite himself.

Roy used to admire Dick and Dick had always admired Roy. He had everything Dick never seemed to keep: confidence, inner strength… family. For a moment when they’d brought Lian home, they were a hodge podge family of sorts. Dick stayed over to help Roy get adjusted seeing as he was still suffering some effects of his fight with Cheshire. It had been a few weeks of Dick helping Roy maneuver around with his injuries and take care of a toddler. A few weeks of Dick wondering what it would be like to have his own family. A few weeks of looking at Roy and finding that ridiculous crush from his youth had never really gone away.

Dick didn’t subscribe to that old adage that you choose someone who reminds you of your parents and looking at Roy, Dick would never compare Roy to Bruce. But, in some ways, Roy reminded him of his mother, Mary. Roy was very protective over his family and willing to do just about anything to keep them safe. He loved harder than just about anyone else Dick knew, save Kory. He was strong, skilled, passionate and he made Dick feel like he could do anything. Even when Dick felt certain that wasn’t true.

Looking at the wall of photos, and noting the few photos with Ollie, Dick is reminded of how it felt to be surrounded by family. Out in Blüdhaven, he spent quite a lot of time alone. He didn’t visit the manor as much as he used to and he and Bruce certainly weren’t on the best of terms. He’d give anything to go back to the way things used to be before… but he’d been young and dumb and his friends had suffered because of it.

Better he use that anger, that grief to better protect the people he could still save. He sighed, lowering his head as he heard a door open. He listened as tiny feet padded out into the hallway and Lian appeared in an old Star City Rockets t-shirt and pajama pants. Upon finding Dick and not her father, her eyes widened and then she beamed. Dick’s heart clenched as she reached her arms up and he picked her up.

“Hey, kiddo,” he greeted and she laid her cheek on his chest and rubbed her eyes tiredly.

“Where’s my daddy?”

“He had to run out for a minute,” Dick said quietly, resting his chin on the top of her head. She was sleep warm and bigger than he remembered. He mustered up some of his old charm and asked, “I’m not so bad, huh?”

She shrugged and he supposed he couldn’t take offense to that. “Is he hunting bad guys again?”

“I think so,” Dick replied honestly. He hoped so. Roy had been awfully secretive but he’d been a little concerned for his safety. Once again, he felt uneasy at being kept in the dark. Roy didn’t have a great track record keeping things from him. He stroked Lian’s back, comforting himself in the process. “Did he mention anything to you? Did anyone stop by?”

She shook her head. “No. He made us dinner and then he called Ms. Angela to watch me for a bit while he went out. Then he came back with you.”

Dick stifled a laugh at the disappointment in her tone. “Ms. Angela?”

“She lives next door. She has a cat. He isn’t very nice.”

“I’m sorry,” Dick said. _Well, no clues to be found here_. He looked at the microwave for the time. One o’clock. “You should be in bed, kiddo.”

She sighed heavily and then pulled back to look up at him. “Daddy left before reading me a story. Can you read to me?” she asked. Dick hesitated for a moment and her eyes widened imploringly. _There. The damn puppy dog eyes_.

“Of course,” Dick replied and he carried her back to her room. She pointed at the book on the nightstand and Dick picked it up with a small smile. “Harry Potter? Your dad’s been reading you Harry Potter?”

She nodded, settling back as Dick opened it to the bookmark. He started to read but she frowned. “You’re supposed to lie here and do the voices.”

Dick rose a brow, _bossy little thing_. He lay down next to her and she leaned against him, high enough so she could see the pages. He started reading and tried to do his best version of a British accent. He earned a few muffled laughs but his Hagrid earned an outright giggle.

“Hey, I’m trying here,” he said and she nodded eagerly, gesturing for him to go on. As he read, Dick wondered if Tim had read these. Probably considered himself a little too old. But it was a story about an orphan saving eh day and that was pretty much their lives. Jason would have loved…

He cut that thought off and continued on. He lost track of time and woke to Roy stroking Lian’s hair and pulling the covers over her. Dick blinked up at Roy sleepily, rubbing at his eyes. Roy smiled softly and it sent a warmth through Dick’s body. It had been quite some time since he received one of those. He slid carefully out of bed and followed Roy into the hall.

“When did you get back?” he asked as Roy closed the door to her room.

“Not early enough to hear your impression of McGonagall. I bet it was _smashing_ ,” he said with a surprisingly passable British accent. Dick shoved him lightly and followed him into the living room.

Dick caught sight of the clock on the way. Three minutes past two. “How’d it go?” he asked and Roy stiffened minutely before nodding casually.

“It went well. We got the intel we needed.”

 _We?_ So, Roy hadn’t been going to meet someone for information. He’d gone with someone else to gather it. And he hadn’t trusted Dick to come. Dick frowned as Roy started cleaning up a little around the living room. Dick watched amusedly as Roy picked up several stuffed animals, a set of playing cards and a Lilo and Stitch blanket. Roy was a single father and he was trying his best. Dick could’ve helped pick up a little while he was here but he’d been angsting in the corner instead.

Roy set everything in a bin and started folding the blanket before he realized Dick was watching him. He narrowed his eyes suspiciously, earning a grin. “At eight bucks an hour, that’ll be 32 bucks, mister.” Roy looked to him doubtfully as Dick’s brows rose. His eyes shot to Lian’s closed door before he set the blanket down and moved into Dick’s space.

He pressed Dick up against the wall and leaned in, the smell of the night air on his gear. Dick breathed him in, his body taking interest as Roy laid a soft kiss and a nip to his throat. Dick’s eyes fell shut as Roy chased his lips and kissed him softly, rougher as Dick opened for him.

He pulled Dick back to his room as quietly as he could manage in his boots. Dick followed, watching as Roy closed the door but didn’t lock it. Then he pushed Dick onto his back and started pulling at his jeans.

Dick smirked, asking dryly, “Isn’t it a little cliché to fuck your nanny?”

Roy rolled his eyes as he pulled Dick’s shirt over his head. “Not funny.”

Dick stifled a laugh, letting Roy manhandle him a little as he got him undressed. Roy got down on his stomach and took Dick’s length into his mouth with a playful glare. He sucked on the head for a moment, eyes closing as he took Dick all the way down. Dick muffled a shout in his hand and melted into the sheets.

+

The next time, Roy stuck around after sex for a moment. They were talking about their latest case when Roy excused himself to take a phone call. Dick watched admiringly as the toned muscles of his ass flexed as he walked away. When Roy returned, he looked a little harried as he asked Dick if he could stay with Lian again. Dick was a little annoyed at Roy continuing to leave him in the dark, especially considering the situation was clearly worrying Roy. But, Dick accepted with minimal fuss.

When he arrived at Roy’s, Lian came running over and leapt into Dick’s arms. Dick accepted the hug, his annoyance fading away as he held her close. She smelled of chocolate milk and sugar. A sure sign Ms. Angela had kept her quiet with milk and cookies. Dick couldn’t blame her; he couldn’t say “no” to that cute little face.

The kitchen table was covered in construction paper and markers. Dick sat down in a chair and pulled one of them over. “Whatcha workin’ on, kiddo?” he asked and she beamed, pointing at a picture. It was her and pretty great imagining of what Roy would look like if his hair was on fire. “Nice work.”

She pulled another sheet over and picked up a marker. “I wanted to draw Ms. Angela but I don’t have a grey marker.” Dick stifled a laugh and pulled the pack closer so she wouldn’t have to reach as far.

“Can I draw with you?” he asked and she nodded, handing him a piece of paper.

“My daddy says you fly,” she said, rubbing at her nose. Dick stifled a laugh at the blue mark she left there. He didn’t spend time around very many kids these days. Nowhere near as many as he saw around the circus when he’d been younger. Part of him had missed the simplicity of talking to children. They were terrible at hiding secrets and most of the time, they didn’t want to. It was easy. It was nice.

“Fly?” Dick asked curiously, picking out a black marker.

“Fly,” she repeated before looking up at him. “Like Wonder Woman?”

Dick smiled, petting her head. “No, not quite.” He drew two large pillars and a trapeze set up. His throat tightened as he continued, “I used to be a trapeze artist. I used to fly through the air on bars with my parents.”

Lian turned to stare up at him with wide eyes, clearly captivated. It made Dick smile, even as he understood that the weight of the grief had never quite gone away. “What happened to your mommy and daddy?” she asked and Dick lowered his gaze to the paper where he drew a man and a woman with a little boy.

“Something bad happened and I lost them. I wasn’t much older than you are now,” he said. He drew in a dark figure. “Then Batman came and he protected me. Now, I protect other people,” he finished, drawing in a small Robin.

It was strange how explaining the start made it easier to see the finish line. He’d started out wanting to avenge his parents and then he’d adopted Bruce’s methods to spare others experiencing the pain he’d felt. He’d _wanted_ to protect others but he hadn’t. He hadn’t protected Jason. Or Donna. He hadn’t been able to protect Anissa either. He’d failed at the one goal he’d dedicated his life to. Had Roy even thought of that when he’d asked Dick to lead this team? Had he thought about how hard it was sometimes for Dick to sleep at night?

He took a shuddering breath, his vision blurring. When he looked up, Lian was staring at him quietly, concernedly. Then determinedly as she reached up and wrapped her spindly arms around his neck. Dick held her, his eyes wet as he took another deep breath. “I’m okay, sweetheart,” he assured her but she squeezed him tighter. Dick laughed, stroking her back. In some ways, she reminded him so much of Roy.

“You protect my daddy all the time. He said so,” she replied as she pulled away. “You save people. Like Wonder Woman.”

Dick laughed tearfully with a nod. “That is true. Let’s draw a picture of her, okay?” he asked and Lian cheered as he grabbed a fresh piece of paper. “To tell the truth, I can still fly. Not on the trapeze but around the city,” he whispered and her eyes lit up.

“You do?” she asked and Dick nodded. “Can you teach me?”

Dick smiled, “Let’s ask your daddy first.”

 

When Roy came home, he found Lian asleep on Dick’s chest on the couch. The credits for Totally Spies scrolled across the screen. Roy smiled, setting down his gear. He wanted nothing more than to hold his daughter and never let her go. He picked her up gently, smile widening when Dick reflexively grabbed for her and woke up. Roy held Lian close and pet her hair, kicking Dick’s foot lightly.

“Sleeping on the job, Grayson?” he asked and Dick honest to god pouted at him. Roy warmed at the sight.

“I’m exhausted. She had nearly an entire plate of cookies _and_ two glasses of chocolate milk. It was like trying to keep up with the Energizer Bunny. How do people do this?” he asked, following Roy as he carried her to her room.

“I dunno,” Roy replied softly, laying her down. “Sometimes I wish I could do this full time. It takes seven hours or so before I want to pull my hair out and she makes better conversation than Shift,” he said and Dick laughed. Roy pulled the covers over her and returned to the hall, closing the door behind him. He leaned against the wood, smiling when Dick boxed him in.

“Come here often?” Dick asked and Roy grinned in response. He couldn’t remember the last time Dick tried a cheesy line. He’d certainly missed it.

“To my house, you mean?” Roy asked.

Dick shrugged, leaning in closer. Their lips met in the middle, Roy opening rather easily for Dick’s tongue. Dick moaned softly, pulling back to murmur, “Bed.”

Roy nodded and pushed Dick down the hall towards his bedroom.

+

Roy sat on the ledge of the Fox building as he watched the show down below. He’d missed this.

It had been a long time since he’d watched Dick fly through the city. He suspected it had been a while since Dick had really done this just for fun. He flew as though he didn’t need the strings. His body twisting and zipping through the air fluidly, gracefully. After all this time, it still took Roy’s breath away. His heart beat fast in his chest as he watched Dick fly through the night.

Roy fell in love with Dick Grayson the first time he watched him fly. There was something about hearing the Batfamily moved through Gotham on wires but _seeing_ it was another thing entirely. The first time Roy saw Dick handle himself in a fight and move as though gravity didn’t apply to him, Roy merely stared at him in awe. Long enough that he’d nearly gotten clocked in the face and he would have had Donna not gotten involved. It was puppy love with a healthy dose of envy. Easy enough to write off. At first.

Years went by with Roy at Dick’s side and those feelings only grew stronger. He didn’t want to be Dick; he wanted to be with him. He didn’t understand his feelings and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t tried to push it down with some rather unhealthy coping mechanisms. He’d thrown himself headlong into trying to be the perfect partner for Ollie and when that fizzled out and Ollie neglected him, Roy felt like he’d deserved it. It had taken hitting rock bottom and climbing his way back to find pride in himself. And by then, he’d fallen in with Cheshire and that had been a disaster. But he wouldn’t have Lian otherwise and he was still in awe how something so wonderful had come from such pain.

Realizing his feelings for Dick had always been more about acceptance. Accepting that he wasn’t straight, realizing he admired Dick out of more than jealously and, finally, realizing the near painful beating in his chest was more than a harmless crush. He hadn’t accepted the latter without quite a bit of denial because, once again, he was playing a long game he could never win. He remembered Dick once telling him he personally didn’t think he could make love to someone without loving them. Years later and he’d managed to get past that with Roy. Now, Roy had managed to grab a tiny piece of this beautiful man for himself, he could admit it to himself.

And he could acknowledge that the admission hadn’t brought him any peace.

He loved Dick Grayson. He was in love with Dick Grayson. So, what? Dick Grayson wasn’t interested in anything more than this job. He put it above everything else because he’d got it into his head that the solution to grief was to never get attached to anything. He’d closed himself off and made himself more like Bruce than he’d ever wanted to be. Dick had been trying to rid himself of the very thing that made him Dick Grayson.

But now, watching him fly, Roy wondered if maybe some of that man had retuned. Dick flipped through the air, a breathy laugh escaping as he landed on the rooftop in front of Roy. Hair windswept, face flushed and a bright smile on his face. He was _happy_. It warmed Roy despite the chilled night air as he stood, striding forward as Dick retracted his line. He turned that smile on Roy, mask shifting as his brows rose. Roy marched him backward, hand on his stomach as he pushed Dick back against the wall.

Roy crushed their mouths together, his hands warm on Dick’s cold cheeks. Dick laughed, sliding his arms around Roy’s hips as he pulled him in closer. Dick writhed against him, breathing heavily as Roy reached for the fastenings to his suit. Dick sucked on his tongue, groaning as Roy carded his fingers through Dick’s messy hair. Roy pulled the suit down, now more familiar with the catches than he ever had been before. He wondered if Dick would object to doing this out on a rooftop, in the open where anyone could see.

Sure, Dick had always loved being watched but what about Daddy Bat?

Roy pulled back, his hands on Dick’s bare hips but Dick was more concerned with rolling his hips against Roy’s. He pressed Dick against the cold brick and took hold of his cock. Dick shivered, pushing into Roy’s grip as he held him there, his teeth nipping at Dick’s neck. Roy stroked him slowly, every breathy moan he earned sent a shockwave through his body. He sucked marks into Dick’s throat and nipped at the sensitive spot behind his ear, the heat in his belly intensifying as Dick gasped and succumbed to it.

He’d wanted to taste some of Dick’s joy, the happiness within him. He’d wanted to share it, grab some of it for himself. But more than that, he’d wanted to keep Dick this happy. He’d do anything he could to keep that smile on his face. Dick let out a breathy laugh, his hips bucking against Roy and Roy’s chest tightened.

This would never be enough for Roy. He’d never be content with having Dick but never really _having_ him. Roy would chalk it up to being older and wanting to settle down now but knew that wasn’t true. It had been years and he still felt this way; what would a few more do? A decade or two?

He pushed the thought out of his mind, twisting his wrist and thumbing the sensitive spot beneath the head of Dick’s cock. Dick gasped, scratching at Roy’s scalp as he cried out, “Roy, Roy, I’m close.” Roy sped up, working with Dick’s rolling hips as he sucked at Dick’s throat. He felt it when Dick tensed, pulse thrumming beneath Roy’s tongue as Dick’s thighs tensed and he bucked hard in Roy’s arms. He spilled over Roy’s hand and his suit, head thumping against the brick as Roy worked his fist. Roy captured his lips with a needy groan.

Dick sighed afterwards, slumping back against the wall as Roy stood before him. Dick moved to return the favor but Roy waved him off. Dick frowned at him a little but he was in such high spirits that he didn’t ask. Instead, he pulled his suit up and slid down to the ground. Roy followed him down.

“You looked happy,” he noted and Dick shrugged, the usual tension he carried with him had faded considerably. Roy studied him in wonder. And relief.

“I can’t remember the last time I did that just for fun. Bruce used to yammer on about training being training. It wasn’t supposed to be fun but I used to sneak out and fly around the city just to do it,” he said with a sad smile. “Everything looks nicer from up here.”

Roy nodded, starting to reply when Dick leaned into his chest and sighed tiredly. Roy froze, his heart pounding as he debated what to do. In the end, it took Dick shivering to make up his mind. He lay his arm around Dick’s shoulders and pet his arm softly. “You grew up in Gotham, so that makes sense.”

“I grew up on the road, Roy,” he murmured. “You know that.”

“You’re a Gothamite through and through, Dickiebired.” He stroked Dick’s arm and smiled when Dick nuzzled in further. “What brought this on?” he asked.

“You told Lian I could fly,” he replied and Roy’s cheeks warmed.

“Did I lie?”

Dick pulled away, staring up at Roy with deep blue eyes. Roy’s breath caught, hands nervously returning to his lap. Dick studied him for a moment before whispering, “No, you didn’t.” He leaned in and kissed Roy softly.

This time, Roy felt it from his head, all the way to his toes.

+

The next week found Dick showing Lian how to make an origami swan. He wasn’t all too good at it but he read off the instructions and hers had turned out pretty great. He heard the oven timer go off and got up to pull the pizza out of the oven. Lian cheered and watched him cut it into pieces.

He set it down on the table in front of her but carefully explained, “Let it cool off first, okay, sweetie?” She nodded dutifully and watched it like a hawk while Dick poured her some milk. He set the cup down beside the plate, her favorite Monster’s Inc. cup and realization set in like a punch to the gut.

Dick knew which cup was Lian’s favorite. He knew she said her favorite color was blue but was drawn to the green marker whenever she signed her name on a drawing. He knew she did nearly everything with her right hand but preferred to eat and drink with her left. He knew she loved Hagrid and paid avid attention whenever the story shifted to Hermione.

He knew all of these things because he’d been here to learn them. He wasn’t her babysitter; that job went to Mr. Davis, but he was Roy’s… something. After nearly three months of doing whatever this was and despite his every intention of avoiding attachment, he’d done what he did best: he’d gotten attached. He liked being here. He liked making Lian dinner, helping her draw, reading to her and putting her to bed. He liked how simple it was, how calming it felt just being here. He liked keeping her safe.

In addition to that, he liked spending time with Roy again. He liked seeing how great a father Roy was. He liked sleeping with him. He liked the way Roy touched him. He liked the way Roy looked at him like he was something to be cherished and taken care of. He liked that Roy called him out when he was being stupid. Most of all, he liked that Roy made him feel like himself again.

And Roy had only asked for Dick’s help because he’d been desperate. These small respites would end as soon as Roy finished whatever top-secret case he’d been working on and then Dick would go back to spending his nights alone in his apartment. No more sweet, mischievous smiles when Lian hid cookies behind her back. No more eating dinner with someone else every night. No more soft, sleepy smiles when he left Roy worn out and satisfied in his bed.

Dick would return to being alone.

A small hand shoved at his shoulder rather ineffectually and Dick blinked, looking over to see Lian frowning at him. “Can I eat now?” she whined, squishing Dick’s face between her little palms.

He laughed, “It’s probably cool enough now. Let me see.” He picked up a slice and made to take a bite, earning a glare. He set it back down, “It’s fine, kiddo. Go for it.”

She dug in happily as Dick watched her fondly.

 

When Roy returned that night, he was clearly exhausted. Even so, he made a show of it. After finding out that Lian was asleep, he leaned in to kiss Dick and Dick humored him for a moment, laughing softly as Roy pressed him against a wall. Then he pushed Roy back gently and helped him pull off his gear as he led him to the bedroom.

He sat Roy on the bed and helped him remove the rest of his clothes. Roy watched him tiredly, complying with less grumbling than Dick expected. Throughout the entire ordeal, Roy kept treating Dick with a confused, almost disbelieving expression. Finally, Dick pushed him down on the bed and climbed over him. Roy smiled tiredly, reaching up to pull Dick to him and Dick granted him one kiss before settling beside him, to Roy’s chagrin.

Roy frowned at him, “I’m a total catch, you know.” He gestured to himself, “You’re missing out on this.”

“You’re exhausted,” he said with a grin.

Roy settled on his side facing Dick and draped a heavy arm over his waist. Dick eyed him wondrously, unsure what that meant. In all this time, they’d never slept beside each other. Not since camping out with the Titans. He waited, tense and a little baffled as Roy blinked at him tiredly and fell asleep. Dick watched as his breathing evened out, his face lax, mouth open as he completely passed out. Knowing him, he’d been halfway to this state on his way home, which was worrying.

Dick reached out to pull the covers over him and closed his eyes. He’d leave in a few hours.

+

Dick woke up to Roy’s arm around his waist and the scent of chocolate milk in his nose. He opened his eyes to see two brown eyes a few inches away and staring at him intently. He barely refrained from shouting, pushing back into Roy hard enough that he accidentally elbowed him in the nose. Roy cursed, sitting up and covering his face.

“Ow, what the fuck?” he asked and Lian giggled. Roy opened his eyes dazedly to look at both of them and his eyes went wide. “Shit – I mean, shoot. Lian, what did we say about doors?”

“I was hungry and I wasn’t being loud. Why is Uncle Dick having a sleepover?” she asked, eying them curiously and Dick covered a smile. He looked to Roy who stumbled over his words for a solid minute.

He climbed out of bed and grabbed a shirt from the floor, “Come on,” he said, nodding towards the bedroom door. “We were working,” Dick heard him say as he steered Lian out of the room.

“In bed?” she asked and Dick stifled another laugh. Roy spared him a light glare before he closed the door behind them.

Dick climbed out of bed and ran a hand through his hair. He hadn’t planned to sleep over but he couldn’t deny that he felt more rested than he had in months. Maybe even a year. He moved into Roy’s bathroom but, of course, he didn’t have a toothbrush here. He could hear the sounds of pots and pans and Lian’s excited cheers. He could go home and eat cereal or he could stay and see what Roy was making for breakfast.

He dug through the drawers for a moment and found some hair gel, an embarrassingly light box of condoms and an unopened toothbrush. Dick closed the drawer with a blush and started brushing his teeth.

When he entered the kitchen, Lian grabbed his hand and pulled him over to a chair. She started talking to him about her class trip to the zoo as Roy made pancakes. He kept shooting Dick little looks, checking in as though he expected Dick to make excuses and leave at any minute. Dick flashed him a reassuring smile and focused on Lian’s story about the class hamster.

Roy had just set a plate stacked with cakes on the table when his phone rang. He excused himself and crossed to the hall. Lian was focused on drizzling her pancakes in an entire bottle of syrup and didn’t hear what Dick heard.

“… can’t Grace. I can’t. I’m with my family… no, I don’t want you to be alone, either. Wait for me… I said wait for me. Tonight, okay?” When Roy returned, he made a plate for himself and smiled like nothing was wrong. Like Dick wasn’t wondering how he could’ve been such an idiot the past few months.

His heart beat fast in his chest, his hands clammy. Grace. Of course. She and Roy had been together before. Of course, they’d go back to that. Maybe Roy had been shooting Dick looks because he wanted Dick to leave. Because Grace was coming over. Grace who was taller than Roy and powerful and way too brazen to be ashamed of her feelings. Grace who never seemed to doubt herself in anything. Grace who would never waste years telling Roy how she felt.

Dick forced himself to eat, lest he risk Lian’s concern but his food sat heavy in his stomach. Lian got ready for school, kissing Dick’s cheek as she left for her room. Roy followed her and when he returned, he found Dick sitting on the back of the couch, his arms crossed.

Roy smiled, striding forward with a teasing glint in his eye. “I’m more than awake now. Once she goes off to school, we can-“

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” Dick asked dryly. Roy’s eyes narrowed in confusion and Dick’s temper flared. “I gotta say, I’m impressed by your stamina.”

“What are you talking about?” he asked and Dick came closer, his mouth a thin line.

“I heard you. On the phone. With Grace.” Roy’s face closed off, his eyes hard.

“You did?” he asked and Dick could see him trying to work out what his side of the conversation had revealed.

“Is she the reason you’ve been going out at night? Am I babysitting your kid so you can hook up with someone else?”

Roy’s eyes widened and he cursed quietly. “Dick… it’s not… it’s not at all what you’re thinking.”

“Then why don’t you tell me what it is?” Dick asked and Roy bit down on his lip. Dick shook his head, “I’m not stupid. I know you know that.”

“Can’t you just trust me?” Roy tried and that was the problem: Dick always trusted Roy and this wasn’t the first time he’d been burned. Dick had blind spots and Roy had always been one of them.

“No, I can’t just trust you,” Dick said, eyes blazing. “I know you guys used to be a thing. Even if you hadn’t told me, it’s in the way you guys look at each other.”

“We’re not sleeping together. We used to a while back and for a little while after we formed the team but not since then. She’s with Anissa now-“

“So, you’re both leaving someone in the dark?” Dick asked incredulously and Roy’s eyes darkened.

“Don’t act like you’re upset. _This_ isn’t anything – anything real,” Roy replied, his voice raising. “You made that perfectly clear.”

Dick glared at him, “I never slept with anyone else.”

“Well, good for you but that doesn’t make your little jealousy tirade any more understandable,” Roy hissed.

“Jealousy?” Dick exclaimed. “Are you kidding me?”

“What else is it, Dick?” he demanded. “Why else are you yelling at me like I – like I _wronged_ you in some way?”

“Because you lied to me!” he replied. “Was it fun for you? Did you laugh about it when you were with her?”

“Christ, Dick.” He ran a hand over his head, his body tense with anger.

“Maybe you should just be with her, Roy. Maybe that’s what you need and she should be watching your fucking kid.”

They heard the sound of tiny feet and the door closing quickly and Roy cursed, slamming his hand down on the kitchen counter. “Damn it.” He turned to face Dick, eyes blazing as he jutted a finger out at him. “We are not doing this. We’re not fighting in the goddamn kitchen. We’re not Ollie and Dinah.”

Dick’s eyes narrowed, “Oh, that’ll fix it. Just pretend it isn’t happening.”

“Dick, don’t start with me-“

“You’ve been lying to me for months, I’m allowed to start whatever the hell I want.”

“Why should I share anything with you? It’s just sex, right?” Dick’s face fell as he watched Roy start cleaning up the kitchen. “You’re just here to fuck me and leave right after. Why do you care? You’ll leave as soon as you get what you want.”

“This is all on me, right? I didn’t sweet talk and romance you before getting into bed with you so I’m not allowed to be mad?”

“I didn’t _say_ that-“

“I’m not allowed to be upset?” Dick snapped.

Roy smiled grimly, “That’s just like you. Calling all the shots until someone hurts your precious feelings and then you’re Mr. Innocent who’s never done anything wrong.”

“What the hell are you talking about?”

“You drew the line, Dickie. You decided what we were and I never got a say in it. Suddenly I owe you all my secrets?” he shook his head, angrily wiping down the counter.

“This isn’t about what we are to each other and you know it,” Dick said slowly. “You lied to me,” Dick said quietly and left the apartment.

+

Even on the outs, Dick and Roy managed to work relatively well together. If the team noticed their rift, they never mentioned it. The others, including Grace, never looked twice at them. Then the team learned what Roy and Grace had been up to the past month. Grace told them the truth about the Tanner case and her history. Dick looked to Roy during the meeting and finally understood what he’d been hiding. It should have comforted Dick to know Roy wasn’t hiding some torrid affair and that he’d been keeping his pact with Grace. It should have been comforting but, after the argument they’d had, Dick was still angry.

Then Lian got kidnapped.

After everyone left, Dick sat next to Roy on the floor of his apartment, pulled him into his arms and held him close as Roy shut down completely. He got Roy to pack a change of clothes and brought him back to his place in Blüdhaven while Dick called someone to clean up Roy’s place. He knew getting Roy to sleep that night would be impossible so he brewed a pot of coffee and set to work.

Dick let Roy talk himself in circles and listened to him patiently. He made sure Roy ate some food and kept him calm when the only thing he wanted to do was hit the streets tracking down that monster. Dick understood; he too wanted to smash Tanner’s head into a brick wall. Considering the rage he felt, he could only imagine how Roy felt so he didn’t try to talk him down and supported Roy any way he could. Roy stayed up for 48 hours straight before he passed out, his cheek pressed against Dick’s chest on the couch.

Dick ran his fingers through Roy’s hair and watched him for as long as he could stand before the tired little frown on Roy’s face reminded him too much of Lian. Dick’s chest tightened and he held Roy closer, vowing to keep him together as best he could. If they lost this fight, if they lost Lian…. It was unthinkable. Dick refused to even consider it. Lian would be okay. He refused to accept anything else.

He stroked Roy’s back until he fell asleep.

 

When they got Lian back, Roy scooped her up in his arms and refused to put her down again. It made it difficult for the paramedics to examine her but she didn’t want to be separated from her father either. Roy brought her home and didn’t have to ask Dick to follow. He drove Roy’s car, looking at them from time to time as Roy stroked her hair and rested his chin on the top of her head, his face pained. Lian had never been a quiet child. She could give Gar a run for most talkative but she hadn’t said a word since they got her back. It worried Dick and he would have to suggest some doctors for Roy to take her to because, after what she’d seen, she would need to talk about this.

The leather on the steering wheel creaked as Dick’s grip tightened and he took a deep breath, concentrating on the road. A hand reached out and covered his right. Dick looked over to see Roy watching him quietly. He tried for a smile but it wasn’t convincing. Roy returned it all the same, holding tight as Dick got them home safely.

When they arrived, Roy handed Lian to Dick as he went to run her a bath. She went quietly, breathing softly against his chest as he stroked her back, much like the way Roy had on the way home. She clung to him tightly, so tight Dick wondered if she feared being taken away again. Were it up to Dick, he’d never let her out of his sight again.

Dick didn’t quite know what to say. Should he tell her how worried they’d been? Or avoid talking about it altogether? He knew from personal experience how much the latter sucked. Going through something unthinkable and pretending everything was okay for the comfort of others helped no one. It didn’t make it any easier to deal with and it allowed others to live in denial.

“We were all very worried about you, sweetheart. Your daddy and I never stopped looking.” Lian squeezed him tighter. “I can’t imagine how scary that must have been. If you need to talk about it, we’re here and we love you very much. We’ll keep you safe,” he murmured.

Roy appeared, his face guarded. Dick handed her over as Roy took her back for her bath. Dick stepped out to check in with Jade on the search for Tanner.

When he hung up, Roy had put Lian to bed and found Dick in the living room. Dick lowered his gaze, remembering the last time he’d been here. “I’ll uh… I’ll get out of your hair,” he said, hesitantly, his body strung tight like a bowstring. He felt too big for his skin, like he was fit to burst.

Roy studied him for a long moment before striding forward and pulling Dick into a tight hug. Dick sighed in relief, wrapping his arms tight around Roy’s shoulders as he took a few shuddering breaths. Roy held him just as tight, if not tighter, his breath warm against Dick’s neck. His scent was in Dick’s nose, all around him as they clung to each other desperately. Dick felt a weight lift off of him as Roy stroked his hair and held him close.

When he pulled back, his voice was rough, “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to.”

Dick nodded slowly, “I don’t want to go. I want to stay.” Roy nodded gratefully, a glimmer of a smile that pained Dick to see. “But I can’t.”

Roy sighed, “Dick, for Christ’s sake.” He covered his face, “I can’t do this again.”

“I care about you. I care about Lian. I care about this team… just like I cared about Donna and look what happened.” He took a deep breath, “I don’t want to be Bruce. I don’t want to close myself off but how different am I from him? People around me get hurt and I can’t do a damn thing about it. If something – if Lian had-“ he broke off, his eyes warm. Roy cursed, moving forward to wrap Dick in his arms. “Roy,” he began but Roy shook his head.

“This isn’t the answer, Dick. Closing yourself off and not letting people know you just means you’ll have less great things to remember them by in the end. Maybe you can’t protect everyone… and that’s okay. Everything doesn’t have to fall on your shoulders. Save some pressure for the rest of us.”

Dick gave a weak laugh, pulling back as Roy kissed his cheeks. “How did you get to be so smart?”

“I learned from the best,” Roy said and Dick’s eyes widened in question. “Lian,” he clarified and Dick smiled fondly. He kissed the inside of Roy’s palm and then his lips, allowing Roy to lead him through the hall.

Maybe Roy had a point: they couldn’t predict the future. He had no control over what tomorrow would bring or even the next few hours. But he had a say in what he did and with whom he spent his time. And he chose to surround himself with family.


End file.
